Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,

Some fun SpAm iS KoOl, passed on to me from friend Eli Bowman. Ryan likes.

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Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,

We’ve stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever
agree on what’s right. So let’s just end it right now while we can do
it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

So here’s a model separation agreement.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each
taking a portion. That’s going to be the difficult part, but I’m sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should
be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
taste.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
And since you hate guns and you hate war, we’ll take the firearms, the
cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and
Rosie O’Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a
biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.

We’ll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical
companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the
homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep
the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks.
We’ll keep the Bibles and we’ll let you have NBC and Hollywood.

You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to
invade and hammer anybody that threatens us.
You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or
our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security.
You won’t have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian
values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley
Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the
bill.

We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars.
You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station
wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find
any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is
a privilege and not a right. We will keep “The Battle Hymn of the
Republic” and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to
substitute in their place “Imagine.” I’d like to teach the world to
sing “Kumbaya” or “We are the world.” We will practice trickle-down
economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot.

And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and
our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded
liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which
one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J Wall

Law student and an American

P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda