Mikey and My Sis

To my sister, Stephanie… I love you so much and will be with you soon.  To my nephew Stevie, you are a stud because of your mom and dad, and we will always be there for you.  To my niece Ashley, we’re there for you, too.

More reflection later.  Rest in Peace, Mikey.  For the first time in a long time, you’re free of health issues.

–RE

In January, if I recall the month correctly, Mike was diagnosed with cancer.  While this was not the beginning of the roller coaster (one could say it was much later in the ride as Mike had twice had to have kidney transplants), it was definitely the beginning of the biggest, fastest, curviest, scariest part of the ride.  Since his diagnosis, there have been a whole lot of downs and a few ups along the track.  Often, we feel as though there really isn’t a track.  Now, is one of those times.  Mike was proclaimed cancer free just a few months ago, and within two weeks of that, he was given a few days to live as more cancer…very aggressive cancer…took hold of his body.  Mike, being the champion fighter he is, defied all odds and doctors’ wisdom and got better.  Not cancer-free better, but better.  He put weight back on, started eating (and tasting food) again, regained his memory, and became the Mike of ‘ole.  Me and my OP family had feared a few months ago we would be heading to a funeral for Mike.  Now, we have a roadtrip scheduled next week to celebrate his 44th birthday.

Another drop on the roller coaster surfaced just a few days ago, and this one is steep.  Mike is now, once again, on his death bed.  While no new abnormalities show in his blood work, an infection has taken over his immune system-weak body; one that doctors don’t think antibiotics will help.  Mike refused to go to the hospital last night, and in-home hospice was arranged.  Just moments ago, my mother sent me one of the most horrible text messages I have ever received:

“He told us goodbye a while ago.  Said to tell everyone how much he loves them.  He doesn’t want to fight anymore.”

The doctors say he won’t last long, I am told.  He has defied them before.  Only God knows when Mike is going to go, but once the will to fight is gone, well, it probably won’t be long.  To go from thinking we would be celebrating a birthday with Mike (a miracle in itself) just a few days ago, to fearing I won’t ever see him again, is just mind boggling.  I want this coaster ride to end; but with Mike healthy and happy.

Michael truly is a hero to me.  He came into our lives long ago and became the father my niece Ashley needed and deserved.  He became the man who made my sister Stephanie truly happy for the first time in a long time.  He and my sister brought my 9 year-old nephew Stevie, a black belt, into this world.  He treated my wife and kids as good as he treats his own wife and kids.  He fights, fights, fights and overcomes all obstacles in his way.  He boasts about how much work he does, even sick, as compared to his coworkers.  He melted when he received an honorary black belt when Stevie earned his.   Mike is all things good, even when it seems only bad things happen.

Maybe Mike has given up on this battle; maybe he hasn’t.  Whichever it is, he is a champion and an inspiration.  I pray to God I will see him again, but I also pray to God to have mercy on him and my sister, nephew, niece, and entire family.

I love you Michael Lovato.  While I am not liking this roller coaster ride, we’re on it with you.  We got your back, just like you always have ours.

My response texts to my mother:

Oh my.  We love him, too.  Please thank him from me for being such a wonderful husband and father to my sister, Stevie and Ashley.  Please tell him that for me.  And for being a great uncle and brother-in-law.

Peace,

Relledge

Mike truly gives me a whole new perspective on life.   I sit here today, troubled with my own life events… but nothing compares to what Mike is going through.  And I know, if he can continue to fight the good fight, well hell, so can I.  And today, more than ever, I intend to.  If I learn nothing else from Mike, I learn that fighting to overcome hardships and obstacles ain’t no thing.  So I will.  And it WILL change my life.  He is fighting for life, and inspiring me to change mine.  I pray the outcome for both is a victory.  Don’t get me wrong at all… Mike’s fight is much more real and courageous than mine.  But I am going to model my remaining life, no matter how long that is, to be like his.

I continue to pray for Mike and my sister and family,  I pray for comfort and I pray for him to defeat this big, bully “Cancer”.  I know he can.  And I know my sister can remain strong.  And further, I know I can learn from them both, and change my life accordingly.

Love to and prayers for Mike, Stephanie, Stevie, and Ashely, along with the rest of my family….

–RElledge

Stevie, Mike, Grandpa, Stephanie and Ashley

My sister, Stephanie, is such a strong woman, or at least she shows herself to be.  I do not know how she remains so strong with all she and Mike have been through.  It is amazing, to say the least.  I am so proud of her for demonstrating such strength and courage in the face of adversity, but I know on the inside, she is weeping like the rest of us.  I’m sure she has her private moments where she let’s it out.  That is good…she needs to.  I know she is trying to be so strong for my nephew, Stephen, and my niece Ashley, both of whom are also showing amazing strength.  My thoughts and prayers are nearly exclusively with them all.

Mike entering our family over 12 years ago was truly a blessing for my sister and my niece.  Mike became the father figure Ashley so desperately needed and longed for.  While he is, on paper, only her step-father, it does not ever feel that way.  He loves Ashley as if she was his very own.  And Ashley needed that.  So did Stephanie.  Then, thanks to Mike, we were blessed with the addition of Stephen some 10 years ago.  What an awesome, strong young man he is.  I can only imagine what is going on in his head.  He absolutely idolizes his father (and rightfully so).  I know Stevie will be the same fighter Mike is, I just pray he doesn’t face a fraction of the battles his father has.  I hope his battles will be the fun kind, as he continues his pursuit of his black belt.

I feel helpless sitting here in Overland Park while my big sister is going through this; but that’s what she wants.  She told me on the phone she wants me to stay here–she doesn’t want me to remember Mike how he is right now.  She wants me to remember him as the champion fighter he has always been.  And I will, no doubt.  This is just another sign of how strong my sister is.  I want to be there for her, but she wants to be there exclusively for Mike.  I respect and understand that.

Cancer is the most hideous disease I can ever imagine.  It takes far too many people, far too soon.  I pray for the miracle that will allow Mike to win this fight.  He is definitely up against the ultimate opponent.  While the odds may be against him right now, I know that I, for one, don’t count him out.

Sending love to and prayers for Mike, Stephanie, Stevie and Ashley, along with the rest of my family,

–RElledge

My Mommy and My Princess

Mothers are truly amazing, and their work and efforts do not get recognized near enough.  I see that much more clearly now, having two kids of my own and a step-son.  My wife is a wonderful mother, too.  As are my two sisters.  If you pay even the slightest bit of attention, you will recognize what superior people moms are.  My mom, my wife, and both of my sisters all work(ed) full-time jobs (my mom retired a few years back).  Yet, when their work work is done, that is when they kick it into high gear.  From changing diapers, cleaning house, cooking dinner, running errands, getting kids to practices/games/events, doing laundry… man, the list is overwhelming and non-ending.  The  things they do blow my mind.  I am spoiled.  I am fortunate.  The mothers in my life are champions.  I get exhausted physically and mentally at work, and when I get home, I just want to relax and chill.  My wife picks up my slack.  I feel the pain when my wife travels out of town.  I do not know how many times I have told her that she is a much better primary care giver than I am.  She is.  I am thankful for all that she does in taking care of me and the kids, much like my mom did (and still does) and my sisters do.

My dad’s mother passed away just a few weeks ago.  This is his first mother’s day where, at least in physical form, he cannot thank his mother for all of the wonderful things she did for him.  I can’t even imagine being in that situation.  I saw his post on Facebook this morning and shed a tear.  Mothers are so important.  My mom’s mom passed back in 2004.  Seeing my mom posting pictures of her yesterday makes me realize that even 7 years later, a mother’s love is never forgotten.

On this Mothers’ Day 2011, I find it so easy to say “Thank You” and “I love You” to the moms in my life:  my mother, my wife, and my sisters.  And oh, I would be remiss to not mention my mother-in-law.  What a wonderful mother she is, as well.  Mothers are remarkable.  While it is easy to say today, I realize I need to say it again tomorrow, next week, next month, and all the days ahead.  Without mothers, we’d all be in trouble.

To all you wonderful mother’s out there, Thank You and Happy Mothers’ Day.

The Social Birthday actually begins the day before the actual birthday. There is no doubt as to why this is, since Facebook lists your FB friends birthdays for you, sometimes showing you who will have one the next day. It is clear to me people actually look at this stuff daily and make a practice of wishing their FB friends a happy birthday on their birthday (plus or minus a day).

My Social Birthday
To show what I mean about birthdays becoming Social Birthdays, let’s look at my birthday greetings. I received:

• 8 text messages
• 3 physical greeting cards in the mail
• 1 phone call greeting (thanks, mom!)
• 1 e-mail greeting (Thanks Shawn Porter)
• 107+ individual birthday greetings on Facebook, beginning several hours before my birthday and ending the day after my birthday. These greetings came from friends and family both, and some included some “wonderful” facebook application greeting cards. I’m pretty sure there were more greetings hidden in comment threads, but I didn’t go back and count those.

Additionally, I received quite a few in-person, real social greetings from my wife, kids, co-workers and friends. One friend (@ShawnHashmi) even picked-up my lunch check.

I should note that my mother contacted me in the most methods: phone, Facebook, text, and physical greeting card (including a check!) Thanks, mom!

My Conclusion
It is clear that birthday’s of old are gone by the wayside. Having said this, and while I greatly appreciate all of my “Social” birthday greetings, my birthday was most complete by the “Happy Birthday” from my daughter Braelyn (who peeked around the corner of the shower), my son Brody, step-son Spencer, wonderful wife Rebecca, my mother who called me and my friends and co-workers who said it in person.

There is definitely a place for the Social Birthday and it is great to be able to send and receive FB greetings to those we don’t interact with as regularly. I guess as I think about March 21, though, I just wish there was more personable interactions with those we are truly closest to than a thread on Facebook or a text on the phone.

Turn your head and cough, please.

I was, however, thankful… I felt very secure as it was so reassuring to know these two people were not going to bring my plane down. I know my government is looking after my well-being, making sure grandma and grandpa were free of any weapons or explosives. In reality, I know now what I felt when the TSA was formed after 9/11 — our government really shouldn’t be heading security at the airports. What they do is more for show than really to protect us. They are there to create a false sense of security. And until recent times, that has mostly worked. But now, they are proving to be the joke that they are. We have people making ~$29,131 per year that should be making $8/hour at Walmart or $1.99/minute on a sex line that nobody would call.

Any explosives in there, grandma?

Personally, I have not had the privilege in all of my flights of late to get my personal pat-down, though I must admit I am anxious to have one. Would certainly make my flight a bit more relaxing, having received a thorough massage with a happy ending (I just wonder if they will provide a cigarette afterwords). While I haven’t received that special treatment, I have twice been through the new full-body-imaging scanners. I know some people feel this is a total invasion of privacy, but to me, I feel happy that I am able to make some pervert’s day. My only real surprise is that the images acquired haven’t been leaked in a new WikiLeaks scandal. That day will likely come, I am sure.

I leave you with the clip from SNL’s parody on the TSA. It is well worth the watch. Enjoy your flight. Maybe my long trip to Maui next week will be kicked off with a bang… almost literally. After all, the skies are much more friendly these days (or at least the pre-flight, I should say).

If you want to read some more pat-downs gone wrong, check out this link. Even more, if you are currently working at McDonald’s or Walmart and would prefer a titillating job with the TSA, you can apply on-line here.

–RE

Braelyn Grace after her entry into this world on 1-9-08.

Braelyn on her real third birthday.

In the the three years and now one day in this world, I am reminded of all the wonderful moments in her short life. Some of these moments, and my favorite things about Braelyn, include:

• Taking a cruise at just a few months old. I wonder what someone would think today if she handed them her passport with her newborn picture on it.
• Her trip to Maui, where she splashed in the pool. Yes, my daughter has done her share of traveling.
• Her first word being “Da-Da”. While it has been replaced with “daddy” today, it’s my favorite thing she says. Maybe not as cute as her singing “tinkle tinkle little star” but I always love her saying “daddy”.
• The tight squeezes she gives, and has me give her, multiple times every night before I can leave her room.
• Playing with her favorite toys, which now-a-days is anything Brody has at the time.
• Her first day of preschool–”cack” pack and all.
• Her first visit to Disneyland, which she remembers every time we start a Disney movie and she sees the castle in the Disney opener.
• The way she refers to yesterday, and really any day in the past, as “last day”.
• Our Sunday ritual (which has now expanded to at least two times per week) of taking a bath in our master bedroom jacuzzi tub. Now, Brody joins us as well.
• Her love of going outside and swinging and sliding. And swinging some more. Mix in some time with chalk on the driveway.
• The way she said Hoover’s name…. “Who, VER!”
• The way she interacts with my parents over webcam. Technology has enabled her to grow up knowing all of her grandparents, even though my parents do not live close by.
• The way her picture with her grandpa Robert brought tears to his eyes at Christmas.

Most of all, I love the way she stole my heart and won’t give it back, that early morning of January 9th, 2008.

Happy 3rd birthday to my Princess Brae-Brae.

Braelyn with her Minnie Mouse Cake.

–RE

You can see all of her birthday pictures in my gallery.

News of Rep. Gifford's death, then lack thereof, circulated the news sites.

My rant here is not about her death, or lack thereof. This was a tragic event–one that no American should ever embrace. The fact that a 22 year-old man shot her and killed five or more other people, including a nine year old girl, at a political speech in a parking lot is dispicable. While the event in and of itself is horrible, it is magnified by shotty journalism, which is what I really feel like ranting about. Journalism in the United States has turned from telling the story to making the story. Journalists no longer need to have facts or know the truth — it is merely a race for ratings. Be the first to report a story and put a notch in your belt. Who cares if the story is right or wrong; just be the first to report it.

MSNBC broke false news about Rep. Gifford's fate.

One would think journalists would have learned from Dan Rather's firing. But they didn't.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Rep. Giffords and all of the victims of today’s horrid tragedy in Arizona. I pray for speedy recovery of those who did not perish, and for the familes and friends of those who did. I don’t yet know if this was a politically motivated shooting, as I suspect it was, but there is no justification ever for turning to violence. I probably don’t support much of what Rep. Gabrielle Giffords stands for politically, but I will turn to my keyboard and never to a gun. I do wish outrage over shotty media would prevail and those reporting the news would do just that: report it, don’t make it.

–RE