Archive for SpAm is KoOl

A Salesman I would Buy From…

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

Thanks to Shawn Hashmi for sending me this bit of SpAm is KoOl:

I took a Cadillac Escalade out for a test drive today. The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all its wonderful options.

The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I stated the car must be a Republican car. Looking a bit perplexed, he asked why I thought it was a Republican car? I explained that if it were a Democratic car, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year round.

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A Stimulus Story

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Spam so good I had to share. Thanks for the forward, pops.

A Stimulus Story

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to the rooms upstairs in order to choose one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism…
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

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Some fun SpAm iS KoOl, passed on to me from friend Eli Bowman. Ryan likes.


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,

We’ve stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever
agree on what’s right. So let’s just end it right now while we can do
it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

So here’s a model separation agreement.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each
taking a portion. That’s going to be the difficult part, but I’m sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should
be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
And since you hate guns and you hate war, we’ll take the firearms, the
cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and
Rosie O’Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a
biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.

We’ll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical
companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the
homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep
the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks.
We’ll keep the Bibles and we’ll let you have NBC and Hollywood.

You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to
invade and hammer anybody that threatens us.
You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or
our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security.
You won’t have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian
values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley
Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the

We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars.
You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station
wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find
any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is
a privilege and not a right. We will keep “The Battle Hymn of the
Republic” and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to
substitute in their place “Imagine.” I’d like to teach the world to
sing “Kumbaya” or “We are the world.” We will practice trickle-down
economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot.

And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and
our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded
liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which
one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.


John J Wall

Law student and an American

P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda

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Corporate Communication

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Thanks to Cherie Defenbaugh for sending me this gem. To all employers out there, make sure you distribute this at once to your staff!

Notice to All Employees:

As of November 5, 2008, IF President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a “fair shake.”

2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are “too busy for overtime” to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as “the government.” We will not participate in this “pooling” experience because the law doesn’t apply to us.

4. The “government” will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it’s “good to spread the wealth.” Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more “patriotic.”

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don’t feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he’ll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can’t pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn’t all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

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In the Spirit of Halloween, The Election is Explained

Monday, October 27th, 2008
The election explained

The election explained

Thanks to Mike Septon for the KoOl SpAm!

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How To Start Each Day with a Positive Outlook

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

Thanks to Cherie Defenbaugh for sending me this gem. I like it, and will practice it daily!

  1. Open a new file in your computer.
  2. Name it ‘Barack Obama’.
  3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
  4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
  5. Your PC will ask you: ‘Do you really want to get rid of ‘Barack Obama?’
  6. Firmly Click ‘Yes.’
  7. Feel better?

GOOD! – Tomorrow we’ll do Nancy Pelosi!

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Bar Stool Economics

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

This KoOl SpAm was sent in by My MoM.
Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. ‘Since you are all such good customers, he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. What happens to the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than be fore. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,’ but he got $10!’

‘Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!’

‘That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!’

‘Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!’

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

NOTE: This has been attributed to:

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

HOWEVER, according to his bio, he did not author it.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

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The Dad Non Spam

Monday, February 25th, 2008

I could post a link, but the article is pretty good, so instead, I post the entirety of it. It appeared in the Aspen Times (I think) and The Dad sent it to me today. Sorry for two posts in one day, but I have to post this as it’s just too good. Classify it as SpAm is KoOl or as PoliTICS me off… either way just classify it and remember… keep the HC out of the WH!

In election 2008, don’t forget Angry White Man

Gary Hubbell
February 9, 2008

There is a great amount of interest in this year’s presidential elections, as everybody seems to recognize that our next president has to be a lot better than George Bush. The Democrats are riding high with two groundbreaking candidates — a woman and an African-American — while the conservative Republicans are in a quandary about their party’s nod to a quasi-liberal maverick, John McCain.

Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.

His common traits are that he isn’t looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field. In many cases, he is an independent businessman and employs several people. He pays more than his share of taxes and works hard.

The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. He’s used to picking up the tab, whether it’s the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.

He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a “living document” open to the whims and vagaries of a panel of judges who have never worked an honest day in their lives.

The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he’s willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.

He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

Women either love him or hate him, but they know he’s a man, not a dishrag. If they’re looking for someone to walk all over, they’ve got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am.”

He might be a Republican and he might be a Democrat; he might be a Libertarian or a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner.

He’s not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He’s willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.

Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don’t pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.

He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader. It’s not that she is a woman. It’s that she is who she is. It’s the liberal victim groups she panders to, the “poor me” attitude that she represents, her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question, his tax dollars that she wants to give to people who refuse to do anything for themselves.

There are many millions of Angry White Men. Four million Angry White Men are members of the National Rifle Association, and all of them will vote against Hillary Clinton, just as the great majority of them voted for George Bush.

He hopes that she will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2008, and he will make sure that she gets beaten like a drum.

Gary Hubbell is a regular columnist with the Aspen Times Weekly.

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Billary Spam

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

Rebecca forwarded this from her mother to me. I wish I had read it before my previous post as I would have included it there since it plays right along with what I was sorta saying. Anyway, this SPAM makes it today.

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democrat Party candidate is for
banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt
with her as more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school meeting in North Florida, she asked
the kids and the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she
started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the
audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, ‘Every time I
clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence.’
A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably little Johnny) from
the front of the crowd pierced the quiet: ‘Well stop clapping, ya
stupid bitch!’

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Spam? From Rebecca

Monday, January 7th, 2008

As you know, I preiodically throw some of the e-mails I receive from my dad on here. Well, today, Rebecca forwarded me onw I think is worthy of indexing on my site. So, here it is… enjoy!

In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State.

When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the white house, Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef".

As usual, vote to keep HC out of the WH!


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